


You Said Loved

by MissReylo



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F, Self-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-14 02:27:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14760854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissReylo/pseuds/MissReylo
Summary: “I don’t like plants,” she said.“Well, frankly,” you said, raising your voice, “I don’t care. I like plants.”“Well, frankly, I want to be left alone,” she mimicked you. She finally turned around. She looked different. The horrifying gleam in her eyes was gone. She looked softer, older.“I don’t believe you,” you said, walking over to the table. You put all the plants on them, except for the orchids. You held on to those. “I think you’re lonely. Very lonely. You need someone to talk to, god, just to look at. I don’t think the Doctor helps.”





	You Said Loved

“It’s not a good idea, Y/N!”  
You rolled your eyes. “I know... I know, what do you think I am, Doctor? An idiot.”  
The Doctor softly smiled. “Off course I don’t think so. It’s just not smart. She’s dangerous, Y/N, she’s unpredictable. Some days tears roll down her cheeks, some days she dances around the room.”  
You tapped on the Doctor’s desk with your fingers, waiting for the moment when Miss Potts would start.  
“I’ve only met you five minutes ago,” the Doctor’s new companion said, “but you don’t seem insane, correction you didn’t seem so. This Missy, she’s weird. To be honest, she’s scary. Why the hell would you want to sit with her?”  
“Because I know how it feels like to be lonely...” you snapped, looking at the Doctor who had leaned back in his chair.  
You, the Doctor, and this Bill Potts, were in the Doctor’s office in this university where he was now working.  
You had travelled with the Doctor for a short while, when Clara was still around. But she had just disappeared, you noticed. When you had asked the Doctor about it he had looked at you with that strange sadness in his light eyes that made you want to hold him like a mother would hold her child.  
You were back again, you had found him... working at an university, guarding Missy the Time Lady. You had met her before, once. It had been strange. You hadn’t talked to Clara or the Doctor about it. You hadn’t talked to anyone about it. The moment you and Missy looked at each other something just clicked.  
You knew she was horrible. She was evil. She was everything you despised.  
But... god, it had felt so right when as soon as she was alone with you she had pushed you against the wall, whispering some words in your ear that made you shiver... You hadn’t felt more alive than when she kissed you passionately, her lipstick smearing on your lips. And you knew you were fucked when she let go and walked away like nothing had happened.  
You had tried to get her out of your mind. But it was impossible. So now you were going to do whatever it took to see her again. Just to talk to her. To try to understand what this...whatever it was.  
“I know how isolation can make you feel like you’re going insane. And I know you visit her, Doctor, but it can’t possibly be easy for her. Just let me sit there for some time. I’ll read a book, try to talk to her. Maybe it will help if she talks to someone else,” you pleaded, “please...just let me try.”  
“Why?” the Doctor asked, leaning forward again.  
You swallowed thickly, trying to ignore Bill in the background. “I...she’s...honestly? I just want to see her again. It’s like an addiction. That’s not, no that’s not the way to describe it. I just need it.”  
The sad look was back again and your heart broke. He understood. Off course he did.  
“Fine,” he said.

You looked at the plants in your arms. You clung to them like it was the only thing keeping you alive. The Doctor was opening the vault and you felt nauseous.  
Missy.  
Inside there in that vault, Missy lived. She played her piano, she screamed in anger, she sobbed until she almost choked, she danced with invisible people. Missy. Missy. Oh, Missy.  
The doors of the vault opened and the Doctor nodded at you. “Be careful, Y/N.”  
“Off course,” you said. And then you walked in.  
Missy stopped playing the gentle tune. Her back was towards you. She knew you were there, but she wasn’t going to say anything. Who knew that Time Lords could be just as petty as humans, you thought.  
“I’m not the Doctor,” you said, “I’m Y/N. We’ve met before.”  
Her head moved, she was looking up from her piano.  
“I’ve brought you plants,” you said. The doors closed behind you. The Doctor was out there, Nardole and Bill too. As soon as you would press the little alarm button on the ‘bracelet’ they would be there. But you knew you wouldn’t need it.  
“I don’t like plants,” she said.  
“Well, frankly,” you said, raising your voice, “I don’t care. I like plants.”  
“Well, frankly, I want to be left alone,” she mimicked you. She finally turned around. She looked different. The horrifying gleam in her eyes was gone. She looked softer, older.  
“I don’t believe you,” you said, walking over to the table. You put all the plants on them, except for the orchids. You held on to those. “I think you’re lonely. Very lonely. You need someone to talk to, god, just to look at. I don’t think the Doctor helps.”  
“He brings adequate food,” she said and you smiled.  
“So, I’m just going to sit here and read my novel. It’s a very interesting story. Do whatever you want. Play the piano, talk to me, look at the plants...” you said. You walked over to her, putting the pot with orchids in her small bony hands. “The one thing you can’t do is hurt me.”  
She looked up. “I kissed you.”  
“It was a very nice kiss,” you said, “but it doesn’t matter. Here, these orchids need a little bit water. Not too much, though, overwatering will kill it faster than a little bit of water.”  
“Would you cry if I killed it on purpose?” she asked.  
You didn’t respond. You walked over to the chair and sat down on it, taking your book out of your bag. You fought the urge to look at Missy every two seconds. After five minutes you finally looked up. She had walked over to the table with the other plants and was studying them, frowning slightly.  
“Forgiveness,” she murmured, “could I ever be forgiven?”  
“No, I don’t think so,” you said, flipping to another page.

And so the days went by.  
You spent hours in the vault, sitting there. You watered the plants, you finished the novel and started a new one. You had some conversations with Missy, who still pretended in the beginning that you visiting was the worst thing that could possibly happen to her. But when you collected your stuff and left you noticed the way her hand trembled a bit, like she wanted to grab your wrist and pull you away from the doors.  
Or maybe it was just your imagination, wanting some proof so badly that she wanted you as much as you wanted her.  
At night you slept horrible. You dreamed of Missy, constantly. She haunted your dreams, sometimes so sweet and kind it was more terrifying than than the dreams where she tried to kill you. Images of her trying to slit your throat haunted you while you made tea. I love you. I love you. I love you, Y/N, forever and ever. Always.

“The orchids are alive,” you said, the doors closing behind you like always.  
“You know, I wanted to snap it’s stalks last night,” Missy murmured. She was lying on the ground, the orchids next to her. “But I changed my mind.”  
“Why?” you asked.  
You sat down next to her, waiting for her answer.  
“I don’t know...the feeling...” she sat up, sighing, “my whole life I longed for that kick, that thrill. That power. When you kill someone, you’re like God, Y/N. You’re in control, you can decide if someone lives or dies. I loved that. I also loved the look in the eyes of the other person.”  
“The other person?”  
“The person who watches, sweetheart. Sometimes it’s someone who loves the victim, sometimes it’s a stranger. It doesn’t matter. The fear, the disgust... I loved it. So I’ve decided you’re right.”  
“On what?” you asked, helping her up.  
“I can’t ever be forgiven,” she said.  
You thought about that for a moment. “That’s true. I really think you can’t ever be forgiven for what you’ve done. You’ve done some pretty horrible things, Missy. You’ve hurt people. But do you know why I’m not scared of you right now, not after what you’ve just confessed?”  
She frowned, her lips pursed. “Do tell.”  
“Loved,” you whispered, “you loved it, Missy. You don’t love it. You used past tense. I think you’re a strange person. Definitely not normal. But I don’t think you’re evil, at least not like you used to be. Does that make me strange?”  
“Completely bonkers,” she purred, “Y/N L/N, the Doctor told me so much about you before we met. He said: ‘Missy, she’s embodies hope’.”  
“Is that a bad thing?” you asked, leaning a bit closer.  
“Hope gets your heart broken,” she said, her eyes widening.  
You smiled. “Well, be gentle then...”


End file.
